Recently, I read about a book entitled “The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly” by Margareta Magnusson, that was highlighted in the New York Times. The title of the book intrigued me because the discussions I have been having with a lot of my friends of late center around this very theme. Many of us are sending our children off into adulthood, while also dealing with the challenges of managing relationships with our aging parents (if they are alive) or the death of loved ones. We are also still fully engaged in our careers but find ourselves dealing with the limitations of our bodies - from feeling more nervous about driving at night - to experiencing strange aches and pains we never faced previously.
Magnusson acknowledges that “you cannot stop the passing of time and how it affects your body, but you can work to keep a clear and positive mind.” In other words, you can be young upstairs in your head even if your joints creak.
This very concept really spoke to me as I think many of us spend a lot of time in our heads deciding that we can’t be the people we always were from not going out as much and becoming homebodies to simply choosing to live through our children vicariously or complaining and shaking our fists about how things have changed too rapidly for our comfort.
When I worked with neuroscientists, they would say that spending time with younger people can benefit your brain. That socializing with younger people who are mentally sharp can provide the type of stimulation that helps boost cognitive functioning. My dad always thought that doing crosswords would help that, but maybe more is needed in the way of exposing ourselves to different ideas and ways of thinking.
But back to the concept of living vicariously through our children. Maybe this is not a bad thing in terms of seeing the world through the eyes of someone supplying fresh ideas and perspectives and working to stay in tune with the young person you yourself were at some point. These days, I find myself talking with my older son who is now away at college in New York about what I was doing when I was a freshman in college and living in Germany. I would like to think it’s brought us closer together, but in a way, it’s also made me reminisce about all of the wonderful times I had with one of my closest friends who I have been spending a lot of time with in recent years.
There is this concept of age segregation where some people think it is only appropriate to socialize with people their own age. It is nice to talk with others going through some of the same things, but there is also a value in connecting with others just starting on the path to having families and contemplating marriage and what to do with careers. So, Magnusson’s premise that being close to younger people can help you to stay young is probably a good thing to consider.
But even more importantly she talks about the idea of “never saying no.” Saying “yes” as often as you can, to in effect say ‘yes’ to life — being curious and exploratory, and being part of community.
Having a deep in the winter birthday is fortunate in a lot of ways because it has forced me out of the house for the entire month of February, which is not something I did over the last two years during the pandemic. I saw my closest and dearest friends from all aspects of my life from elementary school and high school to college and some of my earliest jobs. A three-hour lunch with a close friend from not one but two positions this past weekend reminded me that saying yes and doing it often is a balm for the soul. Connections to others are what drive us and make our lives richer.
With this in mind, back in December I decided to say yes to doing something I have wanted to do for a while and booked a trip on my own to Paris. I haven’t been since a work trip in 2009. I recalled feeling giddy on that trip wandering by myself around the city and visiting the market at the Bastille and going to Julia Child’s favorite store for cookware. I saw things I had never been to previously including the Picasso Museum and the Parc des Buttes Chaumont. I laughed recalling my colleague’s insistence that I buy a ring with my birthstone at a gallery called “Kara” and recalled drinking champagne with her and others and looking out over the beautiful lights of the city from Montmartre after an impromptu trip. Getting yelled at in the Bon Marche for trying to take pictures and looking at the beauty of St. Germain Des Pres in the moonlight.
Most of all, I recall the genuine feeling of hope I had for the future. That anything might be possible. I may be getting older, but the concept of still being happy to be alive and always up for an adventure is very much still there and its there for all of us if we only look for it. My grandfather Frank was Swedish and born in Stockholm, and I would like to think I have a bit of him in me in terms of living exuberantly. One can only hope!
May we all try to be more like the 89 year old Margareta Magnusson and find the joy and pleasure in life for all the years to come. It surely beats the alternative!
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